Reader Question:
i’ve been buddies with this lady for a time. She broke up with her date. We’ve been texting a large number â like 200 emails each week. We keep obtaining mixed signals from the lady, and I like this lady. Ought I go for it? But I do not wanna destroy the relationship sometimes. We also go out, and that I believe she actively seeks me from inside the places.
-Ivan S. Bently (Kansas)
Expert’s Response:
Hi, Ivan. Many thanks for trusting all of us because of this crucial private problem.
There are a great number of possibilities to describe what are you doing here, but let me supply my personal “take.” To start with, you say she actually is sending mixed indicators, which most likely indicates she’s baffled rather than clear on what she wants.
She could still have feelings or expectations for any commitment she just remaining, or she may be waiting for you to create a move. She can still be in the healing up process, and she might not be ready to be seen publicly with another guy however.
Texting are the woman method of extend and connecting right now while she completes psychologically disconnecting from the woman ex. She can be baffled if her friendship available occasionally seems wants it really is growing into something larger, but she actually is undecided in the event that you “like” like their.
As for you, Ivan, you’re in an extremely precarious spot now. She’s from the rebound and requires psychological help. She trusts you and feels better whenever she shares some messages or hangs down to you. She looks for you for the halls because she likes you, in one way or another, and that is where you need to be mindful. Should you decide put the friendship initial above your interest in online dating this lady as a girlfriend, you’re in serious risk of getting directed to the “friend area,” basically a difficult destination to getting away from.
My information to you personally is to get alongside the girl and chat in person. It needs to be previous and quicker than a genuine date, but it provides you with a concept if she desires to view you or otherwise not. Inform her she needs to get out and get one hour to have a good laugh and take pleasure in by herself and you would really like the opportunity to speak with this lady in more depth, also. Pick an area in which your buddies never get â possibly a Starbucks anywhere â so she’ll feel like the woman privacy is being shielded.
Ask the girl exactly how she actually is doing whenever she actually is certainly done together with her ex. Pay extremely close attention to her body gestures. Is she leaning closer or away? Is actually she big-eyed and smiling, or detached and careful? Is she acting “girly” or like a pal?
There is yet another thing you should do: Tell this lady in an exceedingly matter-of-fact way that you like this lady. Then never say another word. She’s become next a person to speak. Check this lady straight for the vision so she will visit your energy and your sincerity. Boldly and with confidence grasp the woman neck or fingers. Just be sure she understands you are interested in the woman in an enchanting man-woman particular method.
Be powerful and sort but never ever emotional or desperate. Make this lady desire to come your way for any nurturing and comfortable guy you will be rather than for all the good man who is “safe” and benign. Her correct thoughts and purposes should expose themselves once the dialogue unfolds.
Do it,
Nick